I am an atheist, sometimes.
God is a mystery to me. Sometimes I think he/she lives in my head. My subconscious I mean (I don’t suffer from any mental disorders).
For example, Today as I was preparing brunch, I spilled the cranberry juice I bought yesterday for my UTI, right on the floor. How does this mean anything? Well, I was thinking about cleaning my room just as I got up but a shadow of procrastination and a spell of laze took over me and I moved on to the task of feeding myself when this happened. Do you see where I am going with this? My subconscious makes me spill the juice in turn making me clean it all up and the floor with it. As I was cursing my destiny and my hind for not paying enough attention, I realised this might have been my mind’s trick to fool me all along!
Yesterday, I went for a walk and a cigarette to catch the sunset with my old roommate. It’s been about 3 months since I had quit and one counter ciggy with my friend proved that I can do without. So, I finally told her about my concerns with me being pregnant and the UTI spoilage. Ciggy’s make you spill all your secrets; no wonder my ex used to say that it’s a wonderful conversation starter. Anyhow, she kept seeming thrilled and disappointed at points of the conversation. Eventually, we took a trip to the store to buy some cran juice and a pregnancy test. Took the test in the store’s bathroom and drumroll…
I’m not pregnant.
I bought the one with two test sticks, so i’ll be taking another one to be sure in 3 days.
But it looks like it’s all clear for now.
How do I feel about it? The very first time i had a pregnancy scare, I was 22. I was in a steady relationship with a guy i truly loved. When I found out that I wasn’t pregnant then, I was depressed and disappointed for weeks. I never told him. But, a part of me was really happy. This time around, I am not depressed. I am not disappointed either. I just hope it happens when it should.
So maybe there is a god, cause someone heard me over and over.
Readers, I understand my mundane life accounts might not be as interesting to read, but more than your enjoyment, this is for my sanity. So, Thank you for reading!
I will be back